Servant
Dear Boss,
Why I did not show up for work yesterday: I had 12 bottles of whisky in my cellar, and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, so I said I would proceed with the very unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle, poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle likewise, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the contents down the sink again with the exception of one glass which I drank. I hastily pulled the cork from the fourth sink, and poured the bottle down the glass which I drank. Pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass, and poured the cork from the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, sinks and glasses with the other, which were 29, and as the house came by I counted them again, and finally had all the house in one bottle which I drank.
I was not under alcofluence of incohol, as some theople pink I was. I was not half so thunk as you might drink. I foolt so feelish I did not know who was me, and the drunker I stood the longer I got.
Your obedient servant,
Al Caholic