Vasectomy
Dear Doc,
I am writing to enquire into the possibility of my having a vasectomy operation. My wife and I have been married for seven years and now have seven children, so you can see that we are now desperate.
We have tried various methods of contraception, all to no avail. We were first advised to try the Rhythm Method but despite trying everything from Waltz to a Rumba, my wife still became pregnant and I nearly suffered a permanent injury while trying the Cha-Cha-Cha.
We were also advised to try the "Safe Period" Method and as we were at that time living with in-laws, the only safe time for intercourse was while they were out. Despite this she again became pregnant.
A "Dutch Cap" was the next suggestion but this again we found unsuccessful and an added disadvantage was that despite getting the largest size available, my wife found it very tight across theforehead which gave her headaches.
We have also tried a "Condom" but I had no faith in this from the start despite a demonstration by the Chemist on how to put it on. My wife again became pregnant and I still cannot understand what effect a condom rolled on the thumb could possibly have to prevent conception.
The "Pill" also proved useless as it kept falling out until we realised we were using it incorrectly and my wife then held the pill between her knees and this effectively prevented any intercourse at all.
We have tried the "Coil" but found this impossible to use as all the coils are of a left-hand twist and my wife is a right-handed screw.
"Coitus interruptus" has been mentioned but we had a very unfortunate experience of this while we were courting. While performing on the backseat of my car we were interrupted at a most inopportune moment by a patrolling policeman. This resulted in our first pregnancy, only just preceded by our marriage.
As you can understand we are at the end of our tether and if the operation is unsuccessful we shall have to resort to Oral sex, but what enjoyment there can be in just sitting and talking about it, I don't know!
Yours faithfully,
C. Popper